Military/Pilot Wit and Wisdom

:FI:Snaphoo · Post by **:FI:Snaphoo** » Fri Oct 13, 2006 5:27 pm

I know most of you have read most of these, but I doubt that all of you have read all of these.

That said, enjoy the ones you can.

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit" -Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

------------------------------------------------------

"Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

------------------------------------------------------

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend. - U.S. Marine Corps

------------------------------------------------------

"Cluster bombing from B-52's are very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." - USAF Ammo Troop

------------------------------------------------------

"If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal

-----------------------------------------------------

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." - U.S. Air Force Manual

------------------------------------------------------

"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons." - General MacArthur

-----------------------------------------------------

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantry Journal

------------------------------------------------------

"You, you, and you ... Panic. The rest of you, come with me." - U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.

------------------------------------------------------

"Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance

------------------------------------------------------

"Five second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantry Journal

-------------------------------------------------------

"Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything." - U.S. Navy Swabbie

---------------------------------------------------

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." - David Hackworth

-------------------------------------------------------

"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush." - Infantry Journal

- --------------------------------------------------------

"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." - Joe Gay

------------------------------------------------------

"Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once."

------------------------------------------------------

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." - Unknown Marine Recruit

-------------------------------------------------------

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." - Your Buddies

-------------------------------------------------------

"If you see a bomb technician running, follow him." - USAF Ammo Troop

-------------------------------------------------------

"Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death, I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing." - At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan

-------------------------------------------------------

"You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3." - Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)

-------------------------------------------------------

"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."

-------------------------------------------------------

"Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky." - From an old carrier sailor

------------------------------------------------------

"If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe."

-------------------------------------------------------

"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."

-------------------------------------------------------

"Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another expensive flying club."

-------------------------------------------------------

"What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, .... The pilot dies."

-------------------------------------------------------

"Never trade luck for skill."

-------------------------------------------------------

The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" And "Oh S...!"

------------------------------------------------------

"Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers."

-------------------------------------------------------

"Progress in airline flying: now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant."

-------------------------------------------------------

"Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight."

-------------------------------------------------------

"A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication."

-------------------------------------------------------

"I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous."

---------------------------------------------------------

"Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!"

-------------------------------------------------------

"Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries."

-------------------------------------------------------

"Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it."

--------------------------------------------------------

"The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you." - Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)

--------------------------------------------------------

"A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its maximum." - Jon McBride, astronaut

--------------------------------------------------------

"If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible." - Bob Hoover (renowned aerobatic and test pilot)

--------------------------------------------------------

"Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you."

-------------------------------------------------------

"There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime." - Sign over Squadron OPS desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970

---------------------------------------------------------

"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."

---------------------------------------------------------

Basic Flying Rules: "Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there."

-------------------------------------------------------

"You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal." - FORMER pilot

--------------------------------------------------------------

As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives, the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks "What happened?".

The pilot's reply: "I don't know, I just got here myself!" - Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)

:FI:TacticalS! · Post by **:FI:TacticalS!** » Fri Oct 13, 2006 5:35 pm

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantry Journal

Wonder if that will work in Battlefield 2?

Podge · Post by **Podge** » Fri Oct 13, 2006 9:18 pm

Hehe... good one

Made me think of a few other similar lists...

Rules of Combat

USMC
1. Bring a weapon. Preferably, bring at least two. Bring all of your friends who have weapons. Bring their friends who have weapons.
2. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
3. Only hits count. Close doesn't count. The only thing worse than a miss is a slow miss.
4. If your shooting stance is good, you're probably not moving fast enough, nor using cover correctly.
5. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral and diagonal movement are preferred.)
6. If you can choose what to bring to a gunfight, bring a big weaponand a friend with a big weapon.
7. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived and who didn't.
8. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating, reloading, and running.
9. Accuracy is relative: most combat shooting is more dependent on "pucker factor" than the inherent accuracy of the weapon.
10. Use a weaponthat works EVERY TIME. "All skill is in vain when an Angel pisses in the flintlock of your musket."
11. Someday someone may kill you with your own weapon, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.
12. In combat, there are no rules, always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
13. Have a plan.
14. Have a back-up plan, because the first one won't work.
15. Use cover or concealment as much as possible. The visible target should be in FRONT of YOUR weapon.
16. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
17. Don't drop your guard.
18. Always tactical load and threat scan 360 degrees.
19. Watch their hands. Hands kill. (In God we trust. Everyone else, keep your hands where I can see them).
20. Decide to be aggressive ENOUGH, quickly ENOUGH.
21. The faster you finish the fight, the less shot you will get.
22. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
23. Be polite. Be professional. But have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
24. Your number one Option for Personal Security is a lifelong commitment to avoidance, deterrence, and de-escalation.
25. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun, the caliber of which does not start with a ".4."

Army

1. See USMC Rules for combat
2. Add 60 to 90 days
3. Hope the Marines already destroyed all meaningful resistance

Navy
1. Spend three weeks getting somewhere
2. Adopt an aggressive offshore posture
3. Send in the Marines
4. Drink Coffee
5. Bring back the Marines

Air Force
1. Kiss the spouse good-bye
2. Drive to the flight line
3. Fly to target area, drop bombs, fly back.
4. Pop in at the club for a couple with the guys
5. Go home, BBQ some burgers and drink some more beer

Rules of the Air

1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.

2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.

3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.

4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.

5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.

7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.

8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.

9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.

10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.

11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.

12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.

13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.

14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made.

15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.

16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.

17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.

18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.

19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.

20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.

21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.

22. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.

23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not subject to repeal.

24. The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago.